I'm sorry I haven't blogged for a bit. Actually not since Tony got out of the hospital after his adrenal removal. I have been working working working and trying to RE-focus. Anyone in the cancer world knows what it is like to have it take control. It takes over your body, soul and your whole world. I was very depressed for a while after his surgery. It was pretty traumatic for both of us. Tony had gotten so sick after he came home. He was dehydrated and nothing was going right. I was trying to go to work and I really couldn't do it all. Right now Tony is feeling so much better, he is doing a few things outside, not any wood cutting or anything like that but a little bit of riding the mower and cutting back some plants that needed it. He is painting our Adirondack chairs this week and our outside rocking chairs so we will be OH so prepared when it comes to bonfire nights out by the pond. He will be having a CT scan in June....YIKES! June 2010 is when we found out his cancer had returned and our lives were forever changed....once again. UGH just thinking about June scares the shit out of me and makes me tear up! SO I'm changing the subject....
Everyone keeps asking why I stopped blogging...well the fact that I work and have been trying to do some spring cleaning, getting our sun room ready for the season, moving around bedrooms and getting some new furniture, and honestly I need to keep my mind away from cancer right now. FAR away for my own sanity. Right now cancer is still on my mind a lot BUT it as eased out some and I can finally think about something other than cancer! I have spent so many days and nights crying about kidney cancer, the lives that have been taken way too soon. I joined Kidney Cancer Warriors and I love some of the members as much as family. So many of them have passed away...because of the same disease that threatens Tony's life. It breaks my heart to have chatted away with people and became friends and poof...now they aren't there anymore. It breaks my heart. And anyone that knows me knows how I protect my heart...I just push away. I keep finding myself doing that with EVERYTHING that has to do with kidney cancer. I really hope no one takes this personally, I just have to focus on me..on Tony..and on getting back my life and making sure he is not overdoing it! because as all you woman know...men do not like to listen to us!!
Tony is thinking about trying to go back to work in June, I guess we will just see how he is feeling. Right now he is feeling good. His hormones and cortisone all seem to be doing what they are supposed to do. I am still worried about him having "Adrenal crisis" and giving him the inject able corticosteroids BUT he of course doesn't worry about that!
Today was a most beautiful day and I am so thankful to have spent it with such an awesome man. He really is a survivor. We both are really. I am so grateful to have taken care of such an amazing human being and I'm blessed to call him my husband. This weekend all of our children will be here and our grandson. Maybe my twin sissy, husband and nieces. I love cooking awesome food for everyone and seeing everyone smile and talk about old vacations and fun times. Hearing our children laugh makes my heart smile. THIS is exactly what family is all about. I love when they all come home....wow...it makes me teary too! I just love them all so much:) Easter Sunday, me and Tony are going to visit my mom and Grandma for a bit...They will be surprised at how much better Tony looks now then at Christmas.
I looked out the window today and Tony was sitting outside putting on his shoes, getting ready to go feed the birds and grocery shop and I looked and then looked again....I just watched him, the wind blowing his hair, the pond sparkling behind him..... I thanked God right then for letting me keep him longer and then I opened the window and said "hey, you're really cute today...I just thought you should know", I think he said "thanks baby...I feel pretty good too". THAT makes me a happy woman! He is planning a fishing trip with his best friends and we are planning our Maine B&B vacation in July. Keep him in your prayers...June will be hard for us....scanxiety will hit us full force. BUT thank God IL-2 is finished and everything is pretty AWESOME right now. I STILL can't read my past blogs. That IL-2 kicked both of our asses!! But right now, I am going to get in the hot tub under the stars, relax and Thank God for another day....and that I haven't had a headache today at all! Thank you Jesus....
"Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it"
