I'm just going to start off apoligizing if I repeat myself, I just type what comes to mind. I don't know how many times I do repeat myself but I'm sure it's tons!
Today for me is just kind of a blur, I am exhausted..Tony is exhausted. We are both grumpy and right now I'm hungry, which anyone that knows me..knows that's not good!
Tony did get his IL-2 at 7am today, we rested through it and for a couple hours after, of course then he gets cold, started shivering terribly, blood pressure dropped and he started itching. Itching TERRIBLE. I scratched and scratched his back (ummmm i HATE to scratch bare skin by the way ughhhh yukky, BUT I did, smiling!!!) I rubbed him all over with cold scratchy wash cloths, that helped until the meds kicked in. Tony will NOT want me to go into details about this, but when he has to go to the bathroom, I have to gather up 3 IV lines, untangle them, unhook the "monitors from hell", take off blood pressure cuff, unhook other IV pole, and get him into the tiniest bathroom EVER. In time. Thats all I'm saying...but WTF do people do when they don't have a wife here to do everything? Fix fan, cover up, uncover, feed them, because they have IV stuck in both arms and can't bend, wash hair, scratch back, change pants, remind nurse to have meds ready for his "rigors", CAN YOU TELL I'M WORN OUT????? But really...what do people do? starve? shit themselves? itch and can't scratch? I'm sooooooo glad I am here for Tony and I'm so thankful that I can be. I will NEVER leave him here without me...just sayin!
Tony was very edgy today, the IL-2 causes that. He asked me to please understand and don't take anything personal. I don't. I love him, he loves me...I know he is forever grateful for everything that I do for him and everything that we have been through in the last 12 years. Tony got another dose of IL-2 at 3pm today, all the same side effects..only worse itching. UGHHHHHHH He gets cold/hot/cold/hot multiplied by 10. They gave him so much meds for his side effects he couldn't stay awake, He couldn't hardly speak, I couldn't understand him anyways. I heated up some soup (he is never hungry during "normal" hours) and he ate the whole little bowl. This was the ONLY thing he ate in the past 30 hours. So when the Doctor said NO to his 11pm dose of IL-2, Tony was pissed. Pissed because he was trying so hard and he just felt let down...so did I. Tony told me to tell the nurse to call the doctor back and tell him that he came for IL-2 and if he can't get it he wants to go home. I told her, she called Doctor back...still NO. But now I look up and see his blood pressure is 67/23..SO I GUESS they made the right decision in witholding his dose. I am feeling the life getting sucked out of me today...bad. I'm hoping my sissy brings me some freaking Chopotle tomorrow!
Tony is still scratching, in his sleep. I hate when I can't do anything...ANYTHING. BLAH Tomorrow I will be more positive and sunshiney......not now. Dear God, Strength?????? Amen
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