Tony woke up today and first thing he said was "it wasn't a truck that hit me it was a car" and that means that he is feeling a little better. He is still amazed at how bad his joints hurt, his knees, hands and shoulders. And how bad he is itching. I have been slathering him for weeks with Eucerin (IS NOT my favorite job!) and today I noticed he was worse...it is worse because with ALL of the keeping track of medicine and helping him with everything else and him NOT being able to turn over the lotion application got forgot about it. OH I ALMOST forgot to give him his injection last night...of course that is enough to send me over the edge...i just sat there and held back tears until I was finished and could go in the other room :( because I have just been trying so hard to remember and do everything. I feel like typing this next line in all caps because I feel like yelling it....wth! DO YOU KNOW HOW FREAKING HARD IT IS TO KEEP TRACK OF MEDS???? ONE IS A 12 HR PAIN PILL, ONE IS A 4 HR PAIN PILL. (and they are spelled ALMOST the same) 1 IS A 6 HR PILL TO HELP WITH ANXIOUSNESS. 1 IS A 6-7 HR PILL FOR ITCHING. 1 INJECTION EVERY 12 HRS. TYLENOL EVERY 8 HRS. THEN HIS REGULAR DAILY PILL IN THE MORNING. AND IF HE NEEDS IT SOMETHING FOR SLEEPING. AND SOMETHING FOR NAUSEA. WHAT THE HELL????? I just thought I would get that off my chest. I do write them down along with times BUT depending on time of night..it is kind of hard. As long as Tony leaves the dispensing up to me..it is all good..he doesn't know what is for what! No worries...I got it!
He took a shower today without any help and put some comfy soft sweats on and walked to the mailbox...he needed to do this for him. It kinda like him walking up the steps at his oncologist office...he won't take the elevator. As long as he can walk up those steps or to the mailbox..he is gonna be alright!
I sure wish he would start "looking" better, I HATE the cancer face...and he has it right now, thin thin face, very dark circles under his eyes, and he looks kind of yellow/green (he looked this way 3 yrs ago after his Nephrectomy.) I OF COURSE do not tell him how bad he looks but he knows. He has lost almost 15 lbs THIS week. He has used his back scratcher so much that his back is now one big rash. I did find some Gold Bond anti-itch cream and rubbed it all over his back. (no hydrocortisone for IL-2 Patients) Awwww, I just heard him cracking up, at what I think is Jimmy Fallon...awesome...I LOVE to hear him laugh.
He hugged me today and told me again how much he thanked me for everything, he asked if I was tired of taking care of a baby yet, he said he was just like one (yeah he knows I don't like kid's, that's why he said that!) I told him he was waaaay better than a kid and I really like HIM! :)
I made my famous roast yesterday, homemade smashed potatoes and homemade gravy, green beans from our garden (frozen) and biscuits....I Just thought it was soooo cute that Tony (who hasn't been hungry in weeks) said to me this is so good, mmmmm, this is awesome, mmmmmmmm, why don't they have stuff like this in restaurants. I mean really why don't they? He kept going on and on. Of course he loves my cooking (because I'm pretty damn good at it ;) but I'm just sooo thankful he is finally eating! that's why I made one of his favs! I will make him WHATEVER he wants as long as he eats something...The Gatorade diet had me worried!!! (maybe I should try it for a few weeks myself lol) (Really!) Well while Tony is in there laughing and NOT crying out in pain (he still does some) I am going to read some of my book.....
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference..AMEN
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